There are so many narratives/legends that are alright to believe as a kid, one of many is that of Santa claus. It is rather naive to not consider why society reinforces such but never lectures on when to stop believing them. Yet as an adult you are expected to induce the falsity. Same applies to romantic love, so much is talked about it, except the fact it comes and goes, and more importantly to learn when to let go of it.
Can a man and a woman be just friends? Ask a single person and they will most likely say “yes”, once married/in a relationship, the answer turns into a resounding “Hell No”. White lies are akin to speaking in codes, words that are only used in negotiating. Only the naive, simpleton take them serious. Disney cartoons sells every kid a dream of together after, even I remember day dreaming about having a wife and living forever after. Then religious community reinforces it in a deadly way, promising the best spouse if you remain chaste. The biggest joke, knowing that within the same church all choir members are constantly fornicating. Ever heard of the song “My love don’t cost a thing” off-course just do not be broke if you must approach a lady. Only parents love unconditionally, every other person are there for their needs.
Romantic love is the most alluring of all legends created to indoctrinate kids, “There is only one person for everyone”, and somehow are we to expect those who lost their spouses to never re-marry or better yet the vow “till death do us part ” but same time we are supposed to just ignore divorce rates. The truth is everyone is going for the individual most desirable desirable traits. Consequently, this individual gets to have a monopoly on dating.
Relationships starts where our need converge and ends where our needs diverge. In other words it is a transactional and both parties have to do their parts adequately and promptly. Once and for all settling the notion of unconditional love. Enough of the misleading legends/whitelies. Humanity is born for cooperation, and no place is this more true than when it comes to choosing a spouse. At the biological level the qualification are straight to the point. For the male, you provide and protect, likewise the lady, you cater and nurture. The process of getting a spouse is rather uncomplicated.
Though still guided by our instincts, there are social construct that interfere with the biology of pairing for us humans. Initially, our ancestors demanded marriage for political reasons and to form alliances, it was strictly opportunistic. In Today’s post feminist era we pretend it is for love, but nothing can be further from the truth. In yesteryears, marriages were arranged for an economic purpose , however today it mainly isn’t arranged by parents but yet remains opportunistic. Therein lies the big problem.
Men and women have different perception on love, yet most never consider this, before committing to a relationship. Conversely, you have to date before commitment, as earlier sated, the process is no longer under the guidance of parents. the individual parties are their own representative now. To quote christ, ” Can two be together unless they agree”; the social contract that guided marriages was drafted by our ancestors during humanity’s primitive years.
It goes fathers with daughters looked for the most noble, qualified family to marry their daughters off to, and fathers with sons ensured their sons secured a virtuous woman to sire childrens by: offspring to will his property when the sun sets on him. There is however a caveat to the lady’s qualification, her hymen had to be intact, lack of DNA paternity testing somewhat demands that. The woman’s father is the arbiter of hypergamy, looking out for the welfare of his daughter long after he is no more. It is the least a father can do for his little girl. Divorce was almost impossible, the family’s name had to be protected, property also and if anything at all males took concubines and the wife covertly steps out the marriage. In as much as she gives the man children, the husband must look after her in old age.
Today, the presence of a hymen or lack therefore is no determining factor for marriage qualification, but still the same instinct guides us, the man wants to sire offspring and the woman needs a man to protect and provide for her, especially when she no longer commands any sex appeal. Our ancestral nuptial social contract is at this time void and non applicable, It is rather up to the “love birds” to come to an agreeable mutual compromise regarding the intended relationship.
Men and women mature at different rates, men come up later in life, while girls go through puberty they are already catching the attention of males way older, if not for the legal age of consent, men don’t mind dating women as early as 14. Once sexual maturity is reached, both males and females seek sexual validation, their raging hormones hails them. Girls are designed naturally to have their pickings as early as possible, unlike males who have to work to get the validation. Men are success object and women are sex objects, this is what guides the commerce of relationship.
Before the urge to start a family, everyone must find out how sexually qualified they are, this serve to provide a reference for an individual’s sexual market value. Everybody wants the best looking member of the opposite sex, the style of approach determines the level of confidence. Consequently, men who are not established yet/no status tend to utilise their morals as their sex appeal ( which by the way is absurd). Women who complain incessantly of never getting their crushes to approach them usually are the least attractive. This persist usually through High school and college for those who attend. From this moment on, there is no such thing as “just friends” every member of the opposite sex is a potential sex partner, it is just a matter of if the other acknowledges it, otherwise friend-zone becomes the next option.
For a woman the calibre of men who find her sexually attractive determines what kind of men she will be married to, for her this is more than just a luxury , it is a matter of survival. Should she mess up and get pregnant for a nonentity, she will have to work harder in life, taking odd jobs to feed her kids. If she is fortunate to find a man who is successful, she won’t have to worry about how her and her kids will survive. For the juvenile male, he must wait to attain success before he can lay claim to any woman, for a man being handsome is 20% what is required to be considered a good mate. During juvenile years, men do what juves of other mammalian species do, they have sex on the sides with girlfriends and wives of alpha males.
The dating game is colder than a corpse, all expectations and ideals ought to be suspended throughout the dating period. Scarcity is the everyone’s worst enemy, even so more true for the young males whose sexual market place is yet to be solidified. The lack of confidence and eagerness to commit always betrays them. For women by the time they graduate college, they usually know what their sexual market value is and equally ought to be reminded that it only goes down from there: As they age and worse when they slip and become single moms.
Dating is simply an interview, especially if it was preceded by a cold approach from a man. As a man you must learn to do the approaching and get used to being rejected and/ getting a contact information. Getting a contact information is usually the first step to getting an invitation to compete for the price to the lady’s panties especially: if she is at the time considering a monogamous relationship (not necessarily marriage, that usually comes when the woman nears the expiration of her fertility prime). Getting the date only shows you have the looks, now the next is to show case how much success you have and how good you are is selling a fantasy. Women love a good salesman, to be one you must be god at word manipulation (liar), words to make her momentarily escape the horrors of her reality.
The date comes to an end, you reach out afterwards, perhaps she becomes a correspondent. Always keep in mind this means survival to her, she must rack up a number of best potential suitors for when she is finally ready to settle down. If she does not reply on time, she is allocating time also to other suitors. Calm down and go about your business, if she is tired of the present man in her life, she will reach out to you, otherwise know at the moment you could not outmatch her present/potential options. They were men before you , hate to say it but you will have to wait your turn unless you willing to date as young as 18, you just have to determine if she is worth the wait, and even that depends on the quality of women you have been with in the past. As you are always compelled to compare with your Exs.
To get a woman, you have to outclass whoever she is presently with or wait for him to dump her, it is that simple. If she got dumped and you become the rebound to show off, don’t be the idiot to commit. You are at the time just a rebound, she might as well just be a sweater, a seasonal clothing. Make no mistake, mate pairing has nothing to do with morals and religious leaning, if ever anyone comes at you in the name of a pastor of their religious affiliation, I’ll advice to you stoically opt out. Don’t be sold on that, the game is the game and naivety never pays, never entertain mediocrity not even in the name of Jesus. She wants your commitment she will have to earn just like every other guy before you. Her eagerness and desperation does not and should not constitute an express compliance from you.
Dating is a negotiation process, the male need to always remember the female is the gate keeper of sex, and until she has sexual intercourse with you, you are not close to being considered for the position of a boyfriend. As a result you must conduct yourself not as boyfriend to her. Do as little as possible until then, only girlfriends should get the benefit befitting a girlfriend. If you do otherwise, you have at the moment come to an agreement with her, “silence is consent”. Now she gets the treatment of a girlfriend without sex and so keeps you on ice while considering other applications (guys). If you’d waited after sex to grant her the pass, she will at least have had a skin in the relationship making it a little difficult to just pull out.
Commerce of relationship is this, a woman is not vested in a relationship before sex and likewise a man is not vested in a relationship before giving his time. As a matter of precaution give accordingly, match her. Personally I despise church for mostly promoting the ideology a man she commit to a woman while she gives nothing back. It is a sin against humanity, that makes church men only get women who have lavished their best on all men but her husband to be. As far as dating goes, the church has no jurisdiction, never let them direct the flow of your dating life. If they truly care for normalizing premarital sex, they had better make sure upon marriage their daughters hymen are unbroken. Otherwise nature will have it course and God will not save you from the pain of realizing how many of your choir members has slapped genitals with your wife to be.
Everyone is trying to get the best service for he least price, the essence of negotiation is to come to an amicable compromise. Silence is consent, while dating express your conditions do not hold back, say it with tact but be adamant about it. If your conditions are not meant dissolve the arrangement. The attention you give her is the sign of acknowledgement that you find her attractive, from then on leave her be and only yield your time to her after consummation. In as much as she makes it known if she gives up the vag quick you will think her a slut, don’t give up your time quickly lest she think of you as a fool.
Chastity is no longer a virtue sought after for marriage, with that said if you as a woman desire the classy successful man, my advice to you is find what that man likes and get good at it and more importantly use your beauty to your advantage. Get that man in your twenties, don’t wait after. Dating a lady in her 20s is a lot cuter than one in her 30s, Preferably you are not a single mom at the time.
For those who marry the first man or woman to say “I love you” to them, you sold yourselves short and most likely the day that individual find out they can do better than you, you will discarded for that better person. This goes for guys who usually think dating a fat girl automatically means she will treasure them, if she has an inkling she was the best you were willing to work for, she will step out on you he day she loses all that fatty mass. Same thing goes for women who choose to date bums, once he gets his life together he is out the door. No one wants a spouse that others do not desire. Like a job you must have all your qualification upon the interview. A potential spouse must be qualified at the moment of dating/courtship, no such thing as waiting on. Time waits for none so let no one who knows they are unqualified waste your time. You get to play when you can afford the ticket, it is exclusive.









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