I remember crushing on a girl as a kid, and everytime I saw her I felt uneasy . The feeling of having butterflies in your stomach it seems. I am much older now and to be honest, crushing on the opposite sex to me is akin to believing in Santa Claus as an adult, quite absurd if you asked me.
There is a clear difference between obsessing over the opposite sex and loving them. Obsession over the opposite sex involves trying to use your crush as an object to feed your ego. It might be to show friends off, economic gains and any other selfish reasons. Think about why you would want to go out with the prettiest girl or the dopest boy back in high school. I have always believed on earth, fear is a stronger motivator than love is. I have witnessed people get married mainly from the fear of not able to make rent, pay off debts and so on. Fear is the enemy of love, and always underlies the conflict between most partners.
We all striving for perfection, though none will ever be, especially regarding relationships; however it is the genuine effort to right all wrongs which includes avoiding those wrongs preventable, that matters. Love your neighbor as yourself, not as you would love your favorite flavored ice cream or your favorite sitcom. In other words to love your partner, regard he/she as a source to express self love and not just a resource to be spent. Your partner is not the resource to make you happy, to pay your personal loan and debts, to show your ex off e.t.c. “There is no fear in love for perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love”- 1John4:18. There will always be secrets that inspire fear, it is imperative to be transparent as this will to a partner a strong sense of respect.
Falling in love involves investing oneself. God in the scriptures gave his only be forgotten, similarly, a mother on earth gives her all to her child right from the point of conception. Likewise no one may claim to love anyone they are not invested in. Love must also be understood in the way of the beloved and the lover. The lover is the giver of love while the beloved is the receiver. More than likely the beloved may not be able to reciprocate the lover’s love with the same magnitude momentarily, however what may be implied of the beloved is a form of submission. The type of submission asked of God from men, or a mother of her offspring. It is imperative for both parties to know when to assume the position of the beloved and lover, when to submit to the other and when to give affection to the other.
God is referred to as love. Even he, does not desire those who only try to use him. It is no surprise that people despise users in any relationship. Love is a slow ripening fruit, thus trust should be expected on the merit of trustworthiness. Accountability is all, treating the next as you want to be treated. Without accountability an individual might as well become a serial relationship jumper, always seeking the thrills of a new relationship, this is fairly easy in today’s hook up culture.
Sadly it’s just a bunch of fools falling in love out here, always on a mission to find “true love” all the while being afraid to find love within themselves. Being single is edifying, enabling an individual to find value within, promoting self esteem. With this in place the individual can value prospective partners with equal values, as him/her wants a partner not because external approval but because the individual recognizes the capacity to accomplishing a lot more with another accountable lover (Eccl: 8-12).
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