Month: March 2019

I read once, long before the Portuguese landed on the shores of West Africa, the Chinese had visited East Africa. However there were no records of the Chinese soliciting slave trades, unlike the Europeans. Romans conquered the most of the known world once, as a result granting access for the exchange of cultures and customs. Long after Rome fell, the Europeans who might have been traded themselves would be willing to participate in their own version of slave trade, the Trans Atlantic Slave Trade. Moreover, there was also the Trans Saharan Slave Trade seldom talked about, it is no secret Arabs once ruled parts of Europe,Sahara and sub-Sahara; during this period Africans were traded as slaves to the Arabian diaspora.

Arabs and Europeans used Africans to meet the labour demands required for their growing economy. The weird thing is that African leaders obliged both parties, not recognizing the human resource is above all the most important factor to a prosperous economy and also the military defense. Today Africa still suffers the same predicament, with leaders still not grasping the importance of reforming its growing population. Japan was once made up of feudal tribes, but Japanese leaders were prudent to understand the importance of industrialization, today Japan makes cars, watches and can boast of technological advances that rivals that of Europe. This is not the case in Africa, there are leaders who embezzle funds rather than empower their citizens, good leadership is imperative, as greed blinded leader can’t lead effectively.

Black Africa’s problem stems from its tradition, autocratic, plutocratic, aristocratic and theocratic leadership practiced before being colonized. Despite many African nations’ claims of being democratic, the old customs still rule the minds of both subjects and leaders alike, more or less a caste system. The rich in Africa constantly look down on the poor, while the traditional rulers still want their tribes to see them as the ultimate authority. The Yoruba believe with age comes wisdom, while that might be true, wisdom is relative. For instance a doctor’s experience is practically worthless in the areas of carpentry. Likewise, the older generation who monopolize political power lack the knowledge to usher Black Africa into the industrial age. These political mafias are not accountable to anyone and see their subjects as slaves, their core belief forbids they serve their nations, but rather serve their pockets and ego, how on earth can they be ever patriotic? Matthew 20:24-28.

Leaders with no vision, who perceive political seats as personal prizes. For example Nigerians are constantly making strides abroad, while the low IQ old men keep running for leadership positions with no plans to support and boost the economy. Vladimir Putin took over Russia and 20 years later the Russian economy has been improved over 200%. There is nothing patriotic about Black African leaders, they are greed driven. Nothing has changed really, nothing has been learned over almost 500 years, the leaders are still selling the nations’ resources to foreigners at the expense of the citizens. Black African nations do not know where they belong in the 21st century, every developed nation knows the importance of economic independence, the need to hustle for power, and not be at the mercy of the white man. China, Japan, Brazil, India have learned but Black Africa has just refused to learn the relevance of being called a third world country/ developing country by the west.

These leaders travel to the west and see all the advancements but gladly deny their citizens of the privileges, despite being nations rich in resources. It is a shame that a head of state needed to be flown abroad for medical treatment, not within Africa but Europe. The same leader got better, went back to his father land and it never occurred to him to invest in medicine in his home country. It is like this figure heads have conceded to remain underdeveloped. Asians and Europeans make and Black Africa just need to get rich to afford it; no strategic advantage to deploy at all, should trade/currency wars ensue.

There is the case of Nigerian talents  gaining more fame abroad, the white man knows how to nurture Nigerian talents better than the Nigerian government can. The sad truth is these athletes try to claim Nigeria but you wear another country’s flag and also train as one of them. A failed government indeed is a shame to its people.

Of recent the Chinese are invading Africa for their resources, and the leaders are once again stupid to let a foreigner rob their subjects. Food for thought: Should the Asians and Europeans decide to boycott Africa today, Africa will drown, despite being rich in resources it is not self sufficient due to mismanagement. Africa plants the cocoa, the Belgium buys the cocoa and make chocolates out of it to be sold back to Africans for more than they bought the cocoa. The sad part is Africa’s population growth is not being addressed by its leaders, housing and farming industry is substandard as they get, a lot will starve if nothing changes.

There is also the issue of religion, Africans worship their pastors as though not human, in the west a minister is rightly not above the law, in Africa a “Man Of God” is not accountable to anyone but himself. It is therefore easy for them to misbehave, as absolute power corrupts, milking the poor congregation to feed their pockets. A school built from the collective contributions is virtually unaffordable by most of the congregation responsible for the better art of the contribution. They keep praying for Africa whilst being part of the problem.

I remember crushing on a girl as a kid, and everytime I saw her  I felt uneasy . The feeling of having butterflies in your stomach it seems. I am much older now and to be honest, crushing on the opposite sex  to me is akin to believing in Santa Claus as an adult, quite absurd if you asked me.

There is a clear difference between obsessing over the opposite sex and loving them. Obsession over the opposite sex involves trying to use your crush as an object to feed your ego. It might be to show friends off, economic gains and any other selfish reasons. Think about why you would want to go out with the prettiest girl or the dopest boy back in high school. I have always believed on earth, fear is a stronger motivator than love is. I have witnessed people get married mainly from the fear of not able to make rent, pay off debts and so on. Fear is the enemy of love, and always underlies the conflict between most partners.

We all striving for perfection, though none will ever be, especially regarding relationships; however it is the genuine effort to right all wrongs which includes avoiding those wrongs preventable, that matters. Love your neighbor as yourself, not as you would love your favorite flavored ice cream or your favorite sitcom. In other words to love your partner, regard he/she as a source to express self love and not just a resource to be spent. Your partner is not the resource to make you happy, to pay your personal loan and debts, to show your ex off e.t.c. “There is no fear in love for perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love”- 1John4:18. There will always be secrets that inspire fear, it is imperative to be transparent as this will to a partner a strong sense of respect.

Falling in love involves investing  oneself. God in the scriptures gave his only be forgotten, similarly, a mother on earth gives her all to her child right from the point of conception. Likewise no one may claim to love anyone they are not invested in. Love must also be understood in the way of the beloved and the lover. The lover is the giver of love while the beloved is the receiver. More than likely the beloved may not be able to reciprocate the lover’s love with the same magnitude momentarily, however what may be implied of the beloved is a form of submission. The type of submission asked of God from men, or a mother of her offspring. It is imperative for both parties to know when to assume the position of the beloved and lover, when to submit to the other and when to give affection to the other.

God is referred to as love. Even he, does not desire those who only try to use him. It is no  surprise that people despise users in any relationship. Love is a slow ripening fruit, thus trust should be expected on the merit of trustworthiness. Accountability is all, treating the next as you want to be treated. Without accountability an individual might as well become a serial relationship jumper, always seeking the thrills of  a new relationship, this is fairly easy in today’s  hook up culture.

Sadly it’s just a bunch of fools falling in love out here, always on a mission to find “true love” all the while being afraid to find  love within themselves. Being single is edifying, enabling an individual to find value within, promoting  self esteem. With this in place  the individual can value prospective partners with equal values, as him/her wants a partner not because external approval but because the individual recognizes the capacity to accomplishing a lot more with another accountable lover (Eccl: 8-12).

 

I grew up being told what an ideal man was for a woman. My mother, cousins and aunt sold the idea of being a good husband as the most righteous thing ever. From then on, being a good husband became an aspiration. At the age of 12 that aspiration would quickly be revised, at this point I have witnessed four divorces, and five of my close friends getting cheated on, one of them being a lady. The pain I witnessed them go through was what I didn’t want a part of, and so the idea of having a girlfriend was uncertain.

At the age of nineteen the reality of relationship awkwardness would be amplified by the military experience. It is customary to assume that anyone should know not to cheat in a relationship, so why do some cheat then? I saw women go to bed with another Marine just hours after their partners embarked on a deployment. Married mates always suggesting we go to stripclubs to hang-out, it was not uncommon to see some try to catch a fish at the bar. All this made me question the validity of a rational relationship. Could it be that relationship and  marriage are akin to the Santa Claus fantasy sold us as kids?

Women complain men ain’t shit but are eager to jump in  bed with another’s husband. Generally talk about how they want to be adored but always reward the wayward men and even worse reduce the fatherhood standard and siring a child with misfits, at this point babymama is a mistake no woman ought to be making. This was the reality that became more predominant, as if to mock all that is rational. Could it be a mistake or instead a choice. As my guide always infers, Life is 98% consequence of action, 1% blessing, 1% curse, the blessing and curse being the situation our parents bequeathed to us.

I was made to see my my grandpa having more women other than his wife as  sinister, as told by the ladies who raised me. When I  turned thirteen, the strange men who knew  of  the women that had raised me told me of how they were wayward as young women. That really confused me and I wanted to find my own truth, having heard from both sides. A prelude to the battle of the sexes perhaps, both sides wants you to regard marriage as your destiny but  at the same time present you with the evidence of why it is reasonable to avoid it, quite the paradox.

For the most part of my late teens and and early twenties I’d given up on relationship without ever been in one. I have never believed in  casual relationships, either it is meant to end in marriage or don’t do it at all. Most who hate their fathers for abandoning and treating their mothers as dirt end up treating their lovers as dirt just like the father they disdained, girls raised by  single moms end up as single moms also. Pathology is largely attributed to the reason behind this, but pathology also absolve adults of  agency. Innately, we know what is rightful but sometimes we choose to not stand alone in the act of being good, what is the point of abstinence when everyone is doing, I won’t miss out type of mentality.

I call it the “I rather go to hell with them than spend eternity alone in heaven” philosophy of conformity. We are all guilty of this, as a child it is easy to blame Adam and Eve until you experience relationship as an adult. As earlier mentioned mentioned,  we know what is right but mostly choose to not, so as not to be the stupid one. When stupidity is the popular culture, being wise appears stupid. That is what modern relationship is today, shoot him before he shoots me, ensure your partner loves you more than you love him/her, make sure you are crazier than he/she is; all this evil spiteful relationship ethos. What ought to edify is abused and becomes a survival of the more arsehole partner.

Male or female it does not matter , we have all like Adam and Eve tasted of the forbidden fruit, we have all in us the knowledge of good and evil and we actively justify  the evil by our decisions. As one relationship is dissolved and we jump right into the next one while still bleeding from the previous wound, now smearing the innocent one of the relationship with blood from the previous cut, rewarding their love with sour memories.  They in turn break up and go out to hurt another, now the relationship market is full of people, though not wanting to be rewarded with evil for their love,  hold back while still expecting full benefits from the innocent “sucker” they are interested in, a false sense of entitlement.

“Do unto others as you would have them do to you” as christ sated, it is as simple as it sounds but we fail woefully at it. We have conditioned ourselves to always demanding and not willing to reciprocate, a generation of those who want more for less emerges. A love inspired  of fear contaminates everything pure (1John 4:18). If we aspire to lead a faithful relationship, maintaining fidelity, we must start while unmarried. Learning how to be single, choosing not to recover from break ups via means of rebounds, inadvertently becoming that demon we hate. Break ups hurt, I finally experienced it at age 28, and I know divorce would hurt even more, so that ain’t a bloody option.

My first relationship was at 27 and it only lasted 5 months, it was over infidelity. I learned that you can never be proficient at what you lack sufficient practice at, if you have never learned to be single, it will ruin every potential long term relationship in the long run. If having sex with another person is so easy right after a break up, during marriage you will easily have sex with another to cope with every argument that ensues in your marriage. After breakups, instead of jumping into a rebound relationship, learn to improve your self worth, edify your body and soul instead.

It is imperative to not throw one’s pearls at pigs or treasure people who think of themselves as thrash. As adults we are broken if we are yet to have a healthy ego/self worth, relationship is not to improve another individual’s self worth. Relationship does not bring happiness or solve personal problems, it is an institution for two people willing to raise a healthy family together and comfort each other over the years of the blows life deals.